he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
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I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children