ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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