the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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