he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
