Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler

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(209): View more from California

I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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(515): View more from Iowa

I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck

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(716): View more from New York

Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!

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(+65): View more from

My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood

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(913): View more from Kansas

I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.

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