38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
