well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
