you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
