The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
