saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
