another moral hangover. fuck.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize