You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
