I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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