Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
