So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
