I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
