made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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