Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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