I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
