there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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