I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
