Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
