no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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