well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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