my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
