I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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