I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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