At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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