My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
