the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
