this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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