haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
