70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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