We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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