Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
