I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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