Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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