So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My feet surprised me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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