Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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