its not stalking. its research.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
