I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
