You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
