Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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