I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
