let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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