At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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