my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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