Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
