Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
