...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
