I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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