A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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