I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
