T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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