theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
