so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
