we made out on top of his cat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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