Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
