We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
