how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
