I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
