Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
