Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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