I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
