Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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