Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
