when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
