The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
