A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
