The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
