i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
