When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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