We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize