When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
