is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
