You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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