No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
