im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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