If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Your dad touched me again.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
