That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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