I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
